Tag Archives: white people

Judge Orders Macklemore to Apologize

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Seattle, WA

“Well, you can start with your haircut,” Judge Thomas Smales responded to the raised eyebrows of the Seattle-based rapper’s defense attorney.

Judge Smales continued “Apologize to all of humanity for your haircut and its infinite trendiness and whackness. Doesn’t the sides of your dumb-ass head get cold, you Miley Cyrus-looking-bitch-boy?”

“Go on from there and apologize to specific groups, like apologize, for instance, to all white people for representing them in mainstream rap.”

“Then apologize to all black people for becoming a rapper.”

“Apologize to Chinese people just because.”

“Apologize to Mexican people for, well, you know why.”

“Apologize to gays for co-opting their cause for equality to sell your whack records.”

“Apologize to me for the strange boner your whispery rap voice gave me one time.”

“Apologize to Genghis Khan for copping his high collar fur jacket style.

“Apologize to Pearl Jam.”

“Apologize to rap fans.”

“Apologize to all rappers.”

Judge Smales then stood up and grabbed his crotch through his black judicial robe, said “bulee-dat,” dropped his microphone on the floor and walked out of the courtroom.

 

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Who Would You Boo?

Mitt Romney got booed by the NAACP because he’s an asshole. That’s funny to me. Do you ever boo? If so, when? Who? Why?

“I booed Kid Rock once but I was really really drunk so I’m not sure why. I’d do that shit again though.”

Chaz
English Opium Eater

“I don’t boo, but I do hisssssssssssss.”

Monique
World Videogame Champion

“Oh yeah, I remember now. He was on wrestling with that fucking Degeneration X. That damn Sean Michales needs to get out of David Lee Roth’s ass! Van Halen is a national treasure! Vanhagar and Sean Michales need to move to Masachutchits and get their gay asses till death do them part. China has a baby dick and X Pac “sucked it”!!!”

Chaz
English Opium Eater

“I would boo my wife’s gynecologist. What am I paying him for again?”

Malcolm
Fricassee Chef

“I would like to say boo to America. Boo America. Booooooo!”

Sandy
Google Enthusiast

“Did you say ‘boo’ or ‘bone’? Doesn’t matter, either way: Ashton Kutcher.”

Dr. Acula
Sexology Professor, UNF Department of Freak Studies

“I would say ‘boo’ to my myself because I’m a complete loser. I wish I was never born.”

George St. Olaf
Cataloger of Sliders Multiverses

“I was gonna say I did it in my pants one time after a long night at Golden Corral drunk, but I thought you had said poo not boo. I have never booed.”

Arturo
Whip-Master

“I boo all white people.”

Janie
Amway Rep

“I boo every monster truck but Grave Digger. Yall bitches know what’s up.”

Steven
Soldier of Fortune

“Did you ever heckle visiting right fielders at Jacksonville Suns games? Fuck those mother fuckers. Fuck you Montgomery Biscuits. Boooooo, mother fucker, boooo. I’ll tell your mama boo!”

Greg
Santaria Priest

“Romney was trying to get booed by the NAACP so racist white dudes’ll be like “Well the blacks hate him, so I love him.” The motherfucker used to pretend to be a cop and pull people over for fun. Somebody should boo him in the mouth with a super-soaker full of pee, but he’d probably be like “mmm mmm bitch, we call that a Mormon Keg Stand.”

Fannie
Bell Hop

“I boo the JSO every chance I get. The symphony and the cops.”

Laird
Super Couponer

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