Tag Archives: rap music

Judge Orders Macklemore to Apologize


Seattle, WA

“Well, you can start with your haircut,” Judge Thomas Smales responded to the raised eyebrows of the Seattle-based rapper’s defense attorney.

Judge Smales continued “Apologize to all of humanity for your haircut and its infinite trendiness and whackness. Doesn’t the sides of your dumb-ass head get cold, you Miley Cyrus-looking-bitch-boy?”

“Go on from there and apologize to specific groups, like apologize, for instance, to all white people for representing them in mainstream rap.”

“Then apologize to all black people for becoming a rapper.”

“Apologize to Chinese people just because.”

“Apologize to Mexican people for, well, you know why.”

“Apologize to gays for co-opting their cause for equality to sell your whack records.”

“Apologize to me for the strange boner your whispery rap voice gave me one time.”

“Apologize to Genghis Khan for copping his high collar fur jacket style.

“Apologize to Pearl Jam.”

“Apologize to rap fans.”

“Apologize to all rappers.”

Judge Smales then stood up and grabbed his crotch through his black judicial robe, said “bulee-dat,” dropped his microphone on the floor and walked out of the courtroom.


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Juicy J Playing in Duval Tomorrow Night Bitches

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Check it out, yall. Juicy J’s coming to town. He’s playing at “Brewster’s Roc Bar,” which I assume is the old Plush.

If this wasn’t on a Thursday or I wasn’t a sad old person, I’d love to see this dude. You should go. You’re young and hip. You have your whole life ahead of you. If you don’t go, you’ll spend the rest of your life wonder what a make her dance.

Don’t worry about that one. I’ll tell you, it’s bandz.

You should so go to this show and then send me some pics. I will totally post them on JACKSONVILLEJERK DOT WORDPRESS DOT COM. And I will totally attribute them to the twitter handle of your choice. Imagine all your new followers! 

Seriously go. Ans if he doesn’t play Slob on my Nob, throw a champagne bottle at his head. It will be rad.


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