“Well, you can start with your haircut,” Judge Thomas Smales responded to the raised eyebrows of the Seattle-based rapper’s defense attorney.
Judge Smales continued “Apologize to all of humanity for your haircut and its infinite trendiness and whackness. Doesn’t the sides of your dumb-ass head get cold, you Miley Cyrus-looking-bitch-boy?”
“Go on from there and apologize to specific groups, like apologize, for instance, to all white people for representing them in mainstream rap.”
“Then apologize to all black people for becoming a rapper.”
“Apologize to Chinese people just because.”
“Apologize to Mexican people for, well, you know why.”
“Apologize to gays for co-opting their cause for equality to sell your whack records.”
“Apologize to me for the strange boner your whispery rap voice gave me one time.”
“Apologize to Genghis Khan for copping his high collar fur jacket style.
“Apologize to Pearl Jam.”
“Apologize to rap fans.”
“Apologize to all rappers.”
Judge Smales then stood up and grabbed his crotch through his black judicial robe, said “bulee-dat,” dropped his microphone on the floor and walked out of the courtroom.