Category Archives: Man on the Street

Who Would You Boo?

Mitt Romney got booed by the NAACP because he’s an asshole. That’s funny to me. Do you ever boo? If so, when? Who? Why?

“I booed Kid Rock once but I was really really drunk so I’m not sure why. I’d do that shit again though.”

Chaz
English Opium Eater

“I don’t boo, but I do hisssssssssssss.”

Monique
World Videogame Champion

“Oh yeah, I remember now. He was on wrestling with that fucking Degeneration X. That damn Sean Michales needs to get out of David Lee Roth’s ass! Van Halen is a national treasure! Vanhagar and Sean Michales need to move to Masachutchits and get their gay asses till death do them part. China has a baby dick and X Pac “sucked it”!!!”

Chaz
English Opium Eater

“I would boo my wife’s gynecologist. What am I paying him for again?”

Malcolm
Fricassee Chef

“I would like to say boo to America. Boo America. Booooooo!”

Sandy
Google Enthusiast

“Did you say ‘boo’ or ‘bone’? Doesn’t matter, either way: Ashton Kutcher.”

Dr. Acula
Sexology Professor, UNF Department of Freak Studies

“I would say ‘boo’ to my myself because I’m a complete loser. I wish I was never born.”

George St. Olaf
Cataloger of Sliders Multiverses

“I was gonna say I did it in my pants one time after a long night at Golden Corral drunk, but I thought you had said poo not boo. I have never booed.”

Arturo
Whip-Master

“I boo all white people.”

Janie
Amway Rep

“I boo every monster truck but Grave Digger. Yall bitches know what’s up.”

Steven
Soldier of Fortune

“Did you ever heckle visiting right fielders at Jacksonville Suns games? Fuck those mother fuckers. Fuck you Montgomery Biscuits. Boooooo, mother fucker, boooo. I’ll tell your mama boo!”

Greg
Santaria Priest

“Romney was trying to get booed by the NAACP so racist white dudes’ll be like “Well the blacks hate him, so I love him.” The motherfucker used to pretend to be a cop and pull people over for fun. Somebody should boo him in the mouth with a super-soaker full of pee, but he’d probably be like “mmm mmm bitch, we call that a Mormon Keg Stand.”

Fannie
Bell Hop

“I boo the JSO every chance I get. The symphony and the cops.”

Laird
Super Couponer

Tagged , , , ,

Mayor Brown First Year Reflections

Jacksonville Mayor Alvin Brown just wrapped up his first year in office. We’re taking it to our man on the street crew to gauge public opinion.

“Excuse me sir or ma’m, what is your message to Mayor Brown on his 1-year anniversary?”

“There is a snake in my pool and I am afraid to go in there.”

Ted
Comedy Driving School Instructor

“Mayor Who? Ricky the Kid is the mayor of Marietta where I live at. He’s got a Firebird with nitrous.”

Ronnie
Helper

“Can the people who show the movies in that one park please play a Charles in Charge marathon. Just a thought.”

Candy
Fondue Chef

“If there is toll roads I will move. To Canada.”

Larry
Hunter

“What if Rick Scott sends all the federal money back to Obama cuz he’s mad and all of our kids’ teeth rot out and everyone in Jacksonville develops a nervous tic. Jacksonville already has the highest infant mortality rate in the state, which is one of the highest states in the US, which is one of the highest worldwide among industrialized democracies. And if the kids do survive, their teeth are going to look like shit.”

Madge
Punter

“The fireworks better be good this year. I’m just saying, that’s all. They better be good. ”

Brody
Cash-4-Gold Sign Holder

“Every Winn-Dixie, excepting the ghetto-ass one downtown that no one goes to, needs to open another check out line. I need this preg test for my g.f. to peeee on. Why WHY?!”

Alex
Legendary Ball Player

“The dock at the zoo needs its own food court and some fraggin animal previews so I can just buzz it so my wiener kids will stop crying and my wife can keep her sea tits out.”

Mr. Tomorrow
Dog Track Ticket Trashcan Double Checker

“Don’t blame me. I voted for Steve Irvine!”

Warren
Squatter

“Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got something to say, but nothing comes out when they move their lips. Just a bunch of gibberish. Motherfuckers act like they forgot about Alvin.”

Kimberly
Councilwoman, At Large, Group 1

“What can brown do for me? He can fix the gay problem for one.”

Lee
Navy frogman

“I was at a Halloween party last October when Mayor Brown showed up in a horse costume. That was a great costume!”

Balthasar
Village Idiot at St. John’s Town Center

“I don’t like to spread rumors, but I hear that Mayor Brown constantly poops his pants. Source: wikipedia”

Jeffert
Tommyknocker

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What is the best place to get high in Jacksonville?

Every now and again, yall have to go out and get high somewhere other than on your couch or in your garage or in your backyard jankem pit. What are your favorite places around town to get high? Do you ever smoke fake weed in the bathroom hallway of Hawthorne Salon in 5 Points? Did you ever hit a whip-it in the back row of San Marco Movie Theater. Please share!

Underneath that bridge between the Loop and Harpoon Louies. Grabbag ❤ weed. More like Grabbag ❤ cocks!

Marty

Cod Fisherman

Out back of Yesterday’s with Steve. RIP Steve!

Ricky

Volunteer

Parking lot of Dave and Busters or parking lot of Adventure Landing (Blanding) or parking lot of Gun Gallery.

Saul
Guardian ad Litem

The paint aisle at the Phillips Hwy Wal-Mart.

Cynthia
Roofer

Up your mother’s ass.

Kendra
Sports Agent

Bishop Kinney.

Chad
Artist

Out back of TCBY

Jenny
Emcee

Mayport Princess.

Francis
Clerk

My friend’s mom has a conversion van and I go smoke out in the captain’s chair and watch some What About Bob on VHS on the 14″ screen.

Arthur
Attorney at Law

Tagged , , ,

Have You Ever “Pulled an Alvin,” or Sent a Letter You Later Regretted? | Man on the Street

Jacksonville Mayor Alvin Brown's Got Some Splainin to DO

Jacksonville Mayor Alvin Brown’s Got Some Splainin to DO

Jacksonville Mayor Alvin Brown recently received a scathing letter from Jaguars owner Shahid Kahn admonishing him for alerting the media that they were in a lease dispute over Everbank Field. There was no such dispute and the Mayor rather embarassingly apologized. Have you ever sent a letter that you later regretted?


My doctor accidentally sent me a letter alerting me of my gonorrhea. I later found out that I also had ringworm.
Nadia
Towel Seller


I wrote a letter to Nabisco to tell them that I absolutely hated their new flavor of Wheat Thins. Turns out my roommate had been farting into my box of crackers every day for a month. I was so embarrassed, but what can you do, y’know?
Carl
Spokesmodel


I wrote a letter to my friend’s dog but he can’t read.
Carlene
Fancy Clerk


I told everyone on the internet that this one kid was gay but then I was gay too and then we were gay boyfriends together.
Daryl
Lecturer


One time I wrote a letter to the mayor but then I remembered that he is a stupid idiot so I withdrew it.
Seth
Archer


I wrote my wife’s gynocologist a letter one time asking him for tips.
Francis
Baker


I wrote a fan letter to Bon Iver but then I sent him a follow-up letter punking the shit out of him. HA! Like I listen to that weak-ass-shit.
Tarla
Cat Tamer


I once wrote to Barely Legal magazine and absolutely ripped apart their pictorial about hardcore fetish-peeing. I was really proud of myself until I realized that I had actually seen the pictures in Swank magazine. Doh!
Fawn
Blogger


I accidently sent an email to my wife one time. Beleive me, women and computers just don’t mix.
Tommy
Library Security Guard


I wrote a letter to 17 magazine about my period and I accidentally CCed my whole high school. I was absolutely mortified until the school nurse saved my life because she had read my letter, she know that I had TSS.
Starlene
Scientist

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Who is You Favorite Local Jacksonville Musician?


Who’s that dude from the symphony? Like Fabio or something. That dude’s a pimp.
Noel
Trucker

 

 


Wasn’t Matchbox 20-something from Jacksonville? No, wait I’m thinking of NSYNC, but that’s Orlando. Oh well.
Sam
Ornathologist

 

 

Phil Amato from the news has a band that plays like Deep Purple and Grand Funk songs. They’re pretty kick-ass.
Leon
Bailiff

 

 

Skynard. Freebird. No Shit, Sherlocke.
Mrs. Applebee
Wrestler

 

 

The organist at First Baptist Church is the only musician I listen to- Jacksonville or otherwise. Queers will supplant a homo-scriptural hyperagenda within the amygdala of all listeners of so-called popular music. Not me, buddy. Not me.
Stephanie
Salesman

 

 

The NAS-JAX Officers’ Club Jam Band.
Kurt
Fly Boy

 

 

James Weldon Johnson 6th Grade Exploratory Elective Wheel Recorder Band, Weeks 2-4.
Danny
Welder

 

 

Lil Boosie’s cousin stays up at Eureka Gardens and he puts out some mix tapes. Free Boosie!
Sondra
Pharmacist

That saxaphone dude that plays TV theme songs at the Landing. Name any TV show and the dude will play the theme song, guaranteed.
Margot
Brakeman

 

 

The black kid from the Black Kids. What ever happened to him? He was sassy.
Cheryl
Weed Dealer

 

 

John Travolta lives in Ocala.
Tommy
Butterman

 

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Man on the Street: How to Solve Jacksonville’s Courthouse Furniture Debacle

Take all the chairs out of Lee High School and let the little bastards stand all day. They never stay in their seats anyway.
Stuart R.
Teacher


Just buy used furniture from My Brothers Keeper thrift store.
Steve Q.
Clerk


Ask Gov Scott to beam down antique Venusian furniture from his mothership.
Melanie J.
Day Laborer


Buy the furniture with the City’s money after the council overturns the Mayor’s weak-ass veto.
Veronica K.
Sharpshooter


Ask the mayor to try vetoing harder.
Sandy H.
Assistant


Get criminals to steal courthouse furniture from Orlando.
Charles K.
Collumnist


Give criminal defendants the option to telecommute to court.
Uncle J.
Jerk

Tagged , , , , , ,