Hundreds of Dead Manatees Litter Mayor’s Wake

brown speedboat

 

In what is being called Jacksonville’s Deep Water Horizon event, Alvin the Mayor took to local waterways this weekend to promote himself in a speedboat.

After buzzing the school board building a couple times, the mayor was reported to the marine patrol, who held him for questioning in the Jacksonville Landing’s brig. The mayor was released into the custody of his white friend Terry (the guy in the picture with him in the speedboat) after the Mayor was said to have “dried out.”

The mayor released a statement Monday morning claiming that after experiencing a “naval detention facility” first hand, he is considering altering his combative atitude toward homosexuals.

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