The Real Story Behind the Average Jacksonville Article in Slate

Unless you live in a unabomber shack, you probably saw the recent article published by Slate claiming that Jacksonville, FL, is the most average city in the United States, based on some whack dude’s careful calculations. While Jacksonville may actually be the true statistical mean of the United States of America and you might actually truly be the statistical average human of the Western Hemisphere, the real story to be told here is not one of averages but one of extreme statistical outliers: That guys head.

The dude that wrote the average Jacksonville story looks like someone or something took a shit on his head and then he tried to comb the shit .

The dude that wrote the average Jacksonville story looks like someone or something took a shit on his head and then he tried to comb the shit .

Look at this dudes fucking head! It looks like someone or something took a shit on his head and then he tried to comb the shit like it was hair. Honestly, bro, why can’t we see the top of your head? What are you hiding up there?

You look like those ads Elliot Spitzer ran in NY when he was running for governor and he never showed the top of his head because, I guess, he thought that people might not know that he was bald and then they would vote for him. I can’t even remember if he won. I can however assume that Matty Glasiz is not as good as Elliot Spitzer at banging whores. Spitzer dominates this arena.

First of all. I am the jerk of this town. Not you. So fuck off.

Your head looks like Darth Vader’s head when he takes off his helmet right before he dies and his head is all pointy on top and covered in shit. Why did you let someone or something shit on top of your head right before picture day at Slate.com?

 

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One thought on “The Real Story Behind the Average Jacksonville Article in Slate

  1. […] The Jerk’s rebuttal: https://jacksonvillejerk.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/the-real-story-behind-the-average-jacksonville-arti… […]

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