Col. Lyngus Tops List of Fake Names Submitted in Area Church Friendship Register Last Sunday

Marge Carswell knew right away that something was fishy with the friendship register from one particular pue last Sunday. “For starters,” she explained, “There’s only about 8 seats per pew and this pew’s friendship register had like 29 names on it.”

Some Lady

Some Lady

It turns out, a group of punks had filled the page with fake names. “I went to confront the boys in their Sunday School class,” Ms. Carswell confessed, “But the jerks would not own up to it and they kept laughing and laughing while I tried to discern the real names from the fake. If any of these are actually real people, I do not want to offend them by not sending them the church newsletter. I will pray for those boys and their mothers.”

Jacksonville Jerk obtained a copy of the list of fake names and is now publishing the list in an effort to prevent future misuse of official church documents.

Friendship Register

Friendship Register

Col. Lyngus
Gabe Ohner
M.C. Hummer
Hugh Jagman
Jizz F. Estival
Conie Skinner
Nance Hugepussy
Fanny Funny
Knut Butters
Emerson Biggins
Sammy Ballgag
Fern I. Tour-Nympho
Tunacan P. Ness
Harold Bizwax
I. P. Inapool
Moses Stroganoff
Han Key
Bert Sampson
Lott L. Izzard
Geoffrey Fartsniff
Vagina Woolf
Dr. Retarded
Browning Undershorts
Smeagol Baybedik
Alvin Brownstein
Ernest Pussehare
Barf Onadik
Tiddie Slapps
Puke Cryer
Dick Wang
Harry Plumskin
Emerson Batmans
C. Mann Eaton
Ron Littledick
Wlly Lichinspary
Tough Hoog
Milteridge Gurgaler
Gabby Mine Dichoff
Juanita Estofer Holesful
Holden Myrod

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4 thoughts on “Col. Lyngus Tops List of Fake Names Submitted in Area Church Friendship Register Last Sunday

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