Marge Carswell knew right away that something was fishy with the friendship register from one particular pue last Sunday. “For starters,” she explained, “There’s only about 8 seats per pew and this pew’s friendship register had like 29 names on it.”
It turns out, a group of punks had filled the page with fake names. “I went to confront the boys in their Sunday School class,” Ms. Carswell confessed, “But the jerks would not own up to it and they kept laughing and laughing while I tried to discern the real names from the fake. If any of these are actually real people, I do not want to offend them by not sending them the church newsletter. I will pray for those boys and their mothers.”
Jacksonville Jerk obtained a copy of the list of fake names and is now publishing the list in an effort to prevent future misuse of official church documents.