Top 10 Things to Never Stick Your Dick In

10.

Never stick your dick in a garbage disposal. You won’t come back from that. Not at all. Don’t stick anything of yours in there. Not your finger or your leg. Don’t do it.

9.

A pit of cobras. You don’t want to stick your thing in there. I don’t care how fun it looks. They will bite it and you will suffer greatly.

8.

A beer can. Not even a widemouth can. Don’t do it buddy. Not even a Heineken.

7.

A rat hole. No no no. Do not stick your dick in there.

6.

A black hole. You know the idea of having a your dick blow in a space-time singularity appeals to you in a way you cannot even fathom. But, don’t stick your dick in a black hole.

5.

Dennis Rodman. Rodman is a legendary rebounder. If you try to stick your dick in him, he will slap your shit down and take it straight to the hole and slam that shit in. This will be enjoyed by no one.

4.

A Chevrolet Monte Carlo. When you see the sumptuous curves of the rear end of a Monte Carlo and not one, but 2 tail pipes, will you want to stick your dick in it? Yes, of course you will. Should you? Oh, hell no. If it’s hot, it’ll burn your damn dick. Best case scenario, it’s cold and then your just gonna mees your damn dick all up in there anyways. So, DON’T DO IT! Maybe start with a Fiat and work your way up.

3.

Never stick your dick in a hammerhead shark’s mouth. Come on, buddy. Just listen to me on this one. It will not be good.

2.

Spiderman. Do I even have to tell you why you shouldn’t stick ANYTHING in a Spiderman?

1.

A Desert Eagle Pistol. Even though the one pictured is finished in the most desirable gold tiger stripe and is calibered in what is perhaps the largest available handgun cartridge, .50 Action Express, do not stick your dick in a Desert Eagle. It just aint gonna work. Unless the diameter of your dick is less than .5″ that is. I know you may think that the rifled bore could be like your fleshlight or better, but it will not be good. Trust me on this one. You will be better off ordering the Avatar Fleshlight. You will like to stick your dick in that for sure.

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