Monthly Archives: July 2012

A Shit-Load of Olympics Logos

Alright bro-dogs, the Olympics.

Here are a shit-load of olympics logos. Just 4 U!

I aint gonna get into a full/half-assed critique of them all, but as you will probably agree, it is obvious that they sure don’t make em like they used to. While I do think they are getting better after bottoming out around Barcelona or Sydney, I don’t think they will ever touch fucking Munich or Mexico City.

I mean look at motherfucking Munich. They kilt it. Done.

Enjoy.

Coming soon: A shit-load of olympics mascots!

Games Logo
1968 Winter OlympicsGrenoble  
1968 Summer OlympicsMexico City  
1972 Summer OlympicsMunich  
1976 Winter OlympicsInnsbruck  
1976 Summer OlympicsMontréal  
1980 Winter OlympicsLake Placid  
1980 Summer OlympicsMoscow  
1984 Winter OlympicsSarajevo  
1984 Summer OlympicsLos Angeles  
1988 Winter OlympicsCalgary  
1988 Summer OlympicsSeoul  
1992 Winter OlympicsAlbertville  
1992 Summer OlympicsBarcelona  
1994 Winter OlympicsLillehammer  
1996 Summer OlympicsAtlanta  
1998 Winter OlympicsNagano  
2000 Summer OlympicsSydney  
2002 Winter OlympicsSalt Lake City  
2004 Summer OlympicsAthens  
2006 Winter OlympicsTurin  
2008 Summer OlympicsBeijing  
2010 Winter OlympicsVancouver  
 
2012 Summer OlympicsLondon  

What do you think? Designers? Logo enthusiasts? Are they getting better? Worse? Are we (Europe) going back to 90’s-ass shit like le Tour de France 2012 logo? Please chime in.

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Testarossa Autodrive by Kavinsky

Viva la France!

Vive l’Autobahn!

Viva la Discotheque!

Deal with this shit FUCKERZZZZZ!

Who the fuck is Kavinsky? I son’t know, maybe a zombie DJ from 1986 reanimated to shred prog disco for the 2006?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Maybe it’s just Busy P or someother Frenchass mother fuckiers side proj.

Oh sheeeit.

It’s tighter than your main proj.

Tight like the jaws of life.

The jaws of death.

Dig it in all it’s 2-minute glory.

This dude is sick + there’s lot o mad-sick remixes of this joint and all his other joints. Put it in your Jetta or whatever other girl car you drive and try to score some putty-tacng 2nite. bitchezzzzzzz.

 

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Bad Driver Looked Just Like George Zimmerman

“Dude, get the fuck out of my goddamned way you George Zimmerman-looking mother fucker,” cursed father of 4 Tom Seiss yesterday while attempting to exit I-10 for Roosevelt Boulevard.

“Look at this dumbass, just putzing along going 40, on I-fucking-10. Of course he’s got his cellphone jammed in his ear like a total douchebag. Who the fuck are you talking to, didlo, your boyfriend?” Seiss continued to chide the other driver from the safety of his car.

“It’s not my fault you look exactly like George Zimmerman and can’t fucking drive and can’t stop talking on your cellphone long enough to fucking get over into the right lane so motherfuckers can pass! Just move. Just move now. I wish you were dead.”

Eventually the two parted ways without incident. Fortunately, Tom Seiss’ 4 children were not present to hear this torrent of profanity.

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Reward Offered for Stolen GA Jon Boat

Nevermind how kind of creepy this picture looks. Some low-life stole this kid’s dang jon boat!

In this craigslist ad, the poor lil guy’s dad explains how the jon boat, whcih didn’t even have a motor on it at the time of its theft, was his son’s “pride and joy.” Of course it was. Look how sweet that thing is. Hell, you could tow it behind a moped! And, he’s offering $500 in reward for any info on the robbery. He seems like a nice dad. My dad never bought me a jon boat when I was a lil squirt, sheeeeeeeeit!

Shame on you, thief! Shame shame shame.

If you know anything about this, give the man a call. This is prime fishing weather and the boy’s boat is gone.

Whoever stole the boy’s boat is a truly worthless scumbag and I hope you get thrown in county for 6 months and you get evicted from your trailer and your old lady sells your Camaro for like $400 and goes on a shopping spree and the Town Center. YOU SUCK!

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Councilman Love Removes Shirt Revealing Tattoo

In an unprecedented turn of events, District 14 Councilman Jim Love ended last night’s council meeting shirtless.

“Things got heated and I felt like all those Southside dickheads were ganging up on me, so I popped the shirt, that’s all. That’s pretty much how we do it in Riverside. Aint nothin to it, really,” Love told a Jacksonville Jerk correspondant.

Most observers agreed that they have never seen a Councilmember remove his shirt before. But what really grabbed the attention of spectators was Councilman Love’s tattoo.

Positioned just left of the Councilman’s naval, the tatto appeared to be a sexy pink power ranger.

“Well that about beats all I ever seen,” said a clearly bewildered old man named Willy.

Representatives of Saban Entertainment could not be reached for comment.

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Jacksonville Man Feigns Shock at News of Found Body

“No! Now, that’s just horrible, unconscionable,” local resident Paul Jackson exclaimed upon seeing this morning’s Florida Times Union headline which proclaimed the JSO had found a body in a shallow grave last night.

“I am beyond shocked and mortified,” Jackson continued, clearly feigning outrage loudly, hoping someone would overhear.

“I mean, it’s not at all shocking or surprising really, I just kind of want to talk to someone about things not being what they used to be and everything just going down the tubes,” Jackson clarified.

A representative of back in the day could not be reached to corroborate Jackson’s claims.

Check out the JSO Cop Car in dis Reggae Video, Mon

Duuuuuuuuuuuude, check this shit out.

1) This song kills. Classic roots reggae jam. You’ll dig it. There’s a spliff light-up like every 20 seconds.

2) Check out the JSO cop car at 3:19. Duuuuuuuuuuval. Also, those courthouse shots are from Tampa. I know. I know fuck Tampa. Well, fuck you.

Do you think one of the Marley bros or Buju got picked up for burnin herb in Duval and they’re in the back of dis squad car gettin rode down to Babylon? Maybe it was DJ Res-Q who got busted. Booooooo, JSO. Free Buju! Free Jah Cure!

3)

4) Did anyone go to Buju Banton at UNF in like 2002? Probably not, because I did and there were like 40 people there. It was on the green in the middle of the summer. Hot as fuck. Good show, though. The dude travels with a huge live band that is pretty sick.

5) Byebye

6) Special tanks to Bitchin Camaro for this rad video find.

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Top 10 Things to Never Stick Your Dick In

10.

Never stick your dick in a garbage disposal. You won’t come back from that. Not at all. Don’t stick anything of yours in there. Not your finger or your leg. Don’t do it.

9.

A pit of cobras. You don’t want to stick your thing in there. I don’t care how fun it looks. They will bite it and you will suffer greatly.

8.

A beer can. Not even a widemouth can. Don’t do it buddy. Not even a Heineken.

7.

A rat hole. No no no. Do not stick your dick in there.

6.

A black hole. You know the idea of having a your dick blow in a space-time singularity appeals to you in a way you cannot even fathom. But, don’t stick your dick in a black hole.

5.

Dennis Rodman. Rodman is a legendary rebounder. If you try to stick your dick in him, he will slap your shit down and take it straight to the hole and slam that shit in. This will be enjoyed by no one.

4.

A Chevrolet Monte Carlo. When you see the sumptuous curves of the rear end of a Monte Carlo and not one, but 2 tail pipes, will you want to stick your dick in it? Yes, of course you will. Should you? Oh, hell no. If it’s hot, it’ll burn your damn dick. Best case scenario, it’s cold and then your just gonna mees your damn dick all up in there anyways. So, DON’T DO IT! Maybe start with a Fiat and work your way up.

3.

Never stick your dick in a hammerhead shark’s mouth. Come on, buddy. Just listen to me on this one. It will not be good.

2.

Spiderman. Do I even have to tell you why you shouldn’t stick ANYTHING in a Spiderman?

1.

A Desert Eagle Pistol. Even though the one pictured is finished in the most desirable gold tiger stripe and is calibered in what is perhaps the largest available handgun cartridge, .50 Action Express, do not stick your dick in a Desert Eagle. It just aint gonna work. Unless the diameter of your dick is less than .5″ that is. I know you may think that the rifled bore could be like your fleshlight or better, but it will not be good. Trust me on this one. You will be better off ordering the Avatar Fleshlight. You will like to stick your dick in that for sure.

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The Last Supper by Lawnmowa Mane Feat Cyboman & Lil Nilla

Have yall heard this shit? Local filth rapper/wannabe white-boy thug-house artist Lawnmowa Mane dropped a pretty dope mixtape a few months back called Casual Male XL for free streaming or download on soundcloud.

Here’s one of my favorite tracks:

If you like off-the-wall shit, you might dig the album. The tracks range from filthy-ass rap jams, with pretty crunk Southern-style beats and even a Chris Issaks sample to old-school house joints with crazy sample montages featuring shit like police academy quotes and dumb-ass shit like Tourrettes Guy.

It is clear that this is an exercise I-don’t-give-a-fuck music making, which I really kind of dig + it sounds good in my overblown, high schoolesque sound system in my truck. Also, the lyrics are fucking ridiculous.

Welcome to basspocalypse. Welcome to the pleasure dome.

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Who Would You Boo?

Mitt Romney got booed by the NAACP because he’s an asshole. That’s funny to me. Do you ever boo? If so, when? Who? Why?

“I booed Kid Rock once but I was really really drunk so I’m not sure why. I’d do that shit again though.”

Chaz
English Opium Eater

“I don’t boo, but I do hisssssssssssss.”

Monique
World Videogame Champion

“Oh yeah, I remember now. He was on wrestling with that fucking Degeneration X. That damn Sean Michales needs to get out of David Lee Roth’s ass! Van Halen is a national treasure! Vanhagar and Sean Michales need to move to Masachutchits and get their gay asses till death do them part. China has a baby dick and X Pac “sucked it”!!!”

Chaz
English Opium Eater

“I would boo my wife’s gynecologist. What am I paying him for again?”

Malcolm
Fricassee Chef

“I would like to say boo to America. Boo America. Booooooo!”

Sandy
Google Enthusiast

“Did you say ‘boo’ or ‘bone’? Doesn’t matter, either way: Ashton Kutcher.”

Dr. Acula
Sexology Professor, UNF Department of Freak Studies

“I would say ‘boo’ to my myself because I’m a complete loser. I wish I was never born.”

George St. Olaf
Cataloger of Sliders Multiverses

“I was gonna say I did it in my pants one time after a long night at Golden Corral drunk, but I thought you had said poo not boo. I have never booed.”

Arturo
Whip-Master

“I boo all white people.”

Janie
Amway Rep

“I boo every monster truck but Grave Digger. Yall bitches know what’s up.”

Steven
Soldier of Fortune

“Did you ever heckle visiting right fielders at Jacksonville Suns games? Fuck those mother fuckers. Fuck you Montgomery Biscuits. Boooooo, mother fucker, boooo. I’ll tell your mama boo!”

Greg
Santaria Priest

“Romney was trying to get booed by the NAACP so racist white dudes’ll be like “Well the blacks hate him, so I love him.” The motherfucker used to pretend to be a cop and pull people over for fun. Somebody should boo him in the mouth with a super-soaker full of pee, but he’d probably be like “mmm mmm bitch, we call that a Mormon Keg Stand.”

Fannie
Bell Hop

“I boo the JSO every chance I get. The symphony and the cops.”

Laird
Super Couponer

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