Top 10 Things Curry Is Doing to Prepare for Zika in Jacksonville

  1. Monitoring swamp drainage at Marsh Landing Country Club
  2. Watching Trump rally from luxury box
  3. Fitting for mayoral bio-suit and dome
  4. Calling Orlando Mayor for ideas
  5. Emergency vasectomy
  6. Returning video tapes
  7. Doing 7-Day Love Your Spouse Challenge on Facebook
  8. Calling Deemable Tech
  9. Making memes
  10. Appointing Kenneth Adkins to Plague Czar
  11. Updating his LinkedIn

Top 10 Reasons I’m Bringing This Blog Back 

1. Because I damn feel like it

2. Donald Dump

3. Property Brothers Parody

4. Radicalization

5. Un-ironic Umbros

6. Neighborhood Meme Instagram Reviews

7. Football-related ranting 

8. Laughing at Jerks

9. Shrimpfest

10. Parole officer told me to

CONFIRMED: Mayor Curry Is Buffalo Bills Fan & Is In London Finalizing Secret Buffalo Deals on City’s Dime


[London, England] Agents of the Jacksonville Jerk London Bureau have confirmed the rumors that Jacksonville Mayor Lenny Curry is secretly a Buffalo Bills fan and is in London right now making secret back-room deals with the Buffalo, NY, Illuminati. Curry can be seen in this picture posing and smiling with his wife and Buffalo Bills quarterback Bobo Nixon.

It is now obvious that Curry is laying the groundwork for nefarious deals with the leadership of Canada’s NFL franchise and America’s worst city and worst NFL team. What a pathetic blunder to be identified in a basic barroom selfy after decades of living a double life and pretending to be a Christian American while all the while living as a Canadian Communist.

It actually makes me sick to see the inside lives of the power elite who will literally stop at nothing to ingratiate themselves with the next rung of the the web of influence.

Would you believe that out of the City of Jacksonville’s almost $1B annual budget, nearly 10% accounts for the mayoral travel budget, which is presently propping up Curry and his cronies’ London junket/with secret dealings? Would you be surprised to learn that this $100,000,000 price tag buys the average Jacksonviller only the bleak future of a Curry + Bob Nixon deal to remove the Jaguars from Florida to Buffalo, allowing the Bills to realize their final solution of 2 NFL franchises in the Bufalo/Niagra metroplex, one on the US side – the Jaguars and the other on the Canadian side, the Bills? Would that surprise you to learn?

Open your eyes friends. I’ve been to the Anchor Bar. I’ve eaten the wings there and they were good. There is nor doubt in my mind that we have seen behind the curtain here and this is what is up.

Let’s all just say a tiny prayer tonight that the mayor’s team of international agents fail and we don’t have to all become golf fans for lack of better sports entertainment options in our area. May god bless Jacksonville and these United States.

Keep your eye on the ball, JACKSONVILLE.

Three months after leaving office, Jacksonville Mayor Alvin Brown holds press release to announce new initiative

The 1-term mayor stood before a capacity crowd at the Shoe Carnival in Regency. He explained he had a plan to take his next 4 years to the next level. After the demonstration, Brown got into the cash money booth and tried to grab some dollars. Unfortunately, there were only Shoe Carnival coupons inside the machine blowing around. Brown reportedly bought a pair of fancy flip flops

Jaguars Leadership File Papers to Change to Canadian Football Rules

  (New York, New York) The Jacksonville Jaguars leadership team was in New York today filing paper work with the NFL to allow the team to begin using Canadian Football rules for all future home home games. 

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has approved the change under the conditions that the team will wear all denim uniforms and also change their name to the Jacksonville Beaverz. 

Gregg Williams Is a Piece of Crap

Look at this piece of crap.   

This Guy Fieri Smash Mouth looking like bro dog piece of crap stole the Jaguars playbook in 1999 costing us a Super Bowl appearance and the shame of 3 losss to the Garbage Tennessee Titans in one season. The Jags’ only losses that year. Never forget. 

Read the Big Cat Country article for deets.

Thanks for the insight, Alfie.

Mayor Curry Asks for Resignation of Entire Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, Hires Riverbottom Nightmare Band as Replacement

In a move that is being hotly contested Jacksonville Mayor Lenny Curry has asked for letters of resignation from the entire Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra. The new mayor cited only “Oh come on yall” as his reasoning behind the terminations. Mayor Curry has hired the Riverbottom Nightmare Band as seen in Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas to replace the cultural institution. 

As the press conference dissolved, the Mayor remained at the podium speaking to no person in particular. He explained “I saw these guys [The Riverbottom Nightmare Band] at the Landing a couple years ago playing for Florida Georgia. They’re pretty sick. They’ve got a real kick-ass drummer. I think his name’s Mean Kermit or something. Seriously, yall are going to like them. All solid bros. You’ll see. 

It’s a Band in the Band Room

There are some shows coming up in our area that I wanted to tell you about. 


This is going down this Saturday in 5 Points. Remember when 5 Points was weird? Well it still is. On a serious note, though, I have listened to and thoroughly researched every one of these artists and I think you will enjoy this show. I am giving it the Jacksonville Jerk stamp of approval.


This is what you should do the next Saturday. Ok, it looks like a pattern is emerging. Maybe every Saturday night Rain Dogs is hosting the city’s most premier entertainment offerings. Maybe it is just a 2-week coincidence. I will let you decide for yourselves ok. Enjoy this show friendos.

Jacksonville Jerk Blog Sold to Orlando-Based Corporation


Beloved Jacksonville web publication “Jacksonville Jerk” has been sold to an Orlando-based conglomerate according to early reports from the Orlando news wires services. After months of intense negotiation, the merger deal was struck in an 11th hour backroom deal, sources say. 

  When asked of his prospective payout, Jacksonville Jerk founder Spezz Meckman said “I don’t want to say how much money I made off the deal, but let’s just say that I won’t be taking a regular shower tonight. 
  Meckman an often controversial figure played to cameras early this morning when seen leaving the Omni hotel in Downtown Jacksonville where the sale was finalized. When asked details of the multi-billion dollar acquisition, the publisher replied only, “I don’t guess I’ll be using regular toilets any more. Would you? Would you!?” 

One can only speculate of the future of this beloved Jacksonville publication and its possibly newly wealthy founder. Be sure to watch this space. 

Judge Orders Macklemore to Apologize


Seattle, WA

“Well, you can start with your haircut,” Judge Thomas Smales responded to the raised eyebrows of the Seattle-based rapper’s defense attorney.

Judge Smales continued “Apologize to all of humanity for your haircut and its infinite trendiness and whackness. Doesn’t the sides of your dumb-ass head get cold, you Miley Cyrus-looking-bitch-boy?”

“Go on from there and apologize to specific groups, like apologize, for instance, to all white people for representing them in mainstream rap.”

“Then apologize to all black people for becoming a rapper.”

“Apologize to Chinese people just because.”

“Apologize to Mexican people for, well, you know why.”

“Apologize to gays for co-opting their cause for equality to sell your whack records.”

“Apologize to me for the strange boner your whispery rap voice gave me one time.”

“Apologize to Genghis Khan for copping his high collar fur jacket style.

“Apologize to Pearl Jam.”

“Apologize to rap fans.”

“Apologize to all rappers.”

Judge Smales then stood up and grabbed his crotch through his black judicial robe, said “bulee-dat,” dropped his microphone on the floor and walked out of the courtroom.


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